Just Plunge In
by Christine Petrik, LCSW
The fragrant Linden trees in Manhattan’s Riverside Park have finished their blossoming cycle for another year. Around mid-June thru early July every year, you can count on that exquisite aroma to drift up from the park, aided by a western breeze off the Hudson River. The evening, as the city quiets down for the night, is my favorite time to enjoy an aromatic walk along the streets on the Upper West Side.
Next up, plenty of sun and surf at the Jersey Shore. July is a fabulous time to be in Cape May. David and I are very fortunate for our unencumbered access to both New York and Cape May, but admittedly, transitioning between those spaces is something I do more slowly. Similarly to a foreign car with a slightly constricted stick shift, sometimes my internal clutch doesn’t switch gears as smoothly as I’d wish. But, when it happens, it’s lovely.
I used to wish the ocean water, which is so invitingly warm at the end of August through September, could be tepid at the start of the summer versus the end. That way, the transition wouldn’t be as difficult. I could handle the frigid cold water by summer’s end if I had some weeks of gradual turn. It takes a bit more courage to get wet in July. I now understand the opportunity and wisdom in meeting the ocean temperature where it’s at. The moment comes when I just have to plunge in.
I’m not alone in this unintended hesitation to let go of one space and fully embrace another. Many people I see in my practice share a measure of this anxiety, often stemming from a perceived need for control. I witness similar trepidation while working with people in transitional periods in their romantic partnerships. Forging into new territory together is often scary. Whether it’s singles moving their relationship toward commitment, couples becoming parents, or experiencing the empty nest phenomenon – change disrupts. There are countless times when change comes along and upsets the safety of the status quo. Then, look out – our inner alarms go off! We may think we can’t handle it. We may think we won’t know what to do. Hesitation is understandable. Overthinking is unproductive and detrimental.
Overthinking consumes a lot of mental energy. It can lead to increased anxiety, exhaustion, self-doubt, and depression. Just as bad, avoiding transition via overthinking increases relationship stress. Partners and loved ones often misinterpret overthinking for resistance, furthering the conflict. Impulsiveness is not what I’m recommending, but there is a lot of space between hasty action and inaction.
Recently, as I was trying to figure out something different to do with the zucchini from the garden in Cape May, I watched the 2022 television series Julia, on HBO/Max. It stars the talented British actress Sarah Lancashire, (Last Tango in Hallifax). For me, the story is more about the joy of relationship than food, and worth watching. If you’re also a Julia Child fan, it’s a must-see (personal opinion). I grew up watching my mother watch the real Julia’s PBS cooking show, The French Chef. Mom credits Julia Child with teaching her how to be a better cook. I suspect my mom would have been an excellent cook either way; she’s a natural. I get my love of French food from them both.
In the fictional Chocolate Souffle episode, the writers of the show took liberty with what Julia actually said, but it made great sense to me. Julia fans have always understood that in her Masterclasses, Julia often bestowed lessons about life, not just cooking. The character Julia sums up how straightforward this delicate delight is to make by saying, "I have a secret to tell you. You’ve known how to make a chocolate soufflé all along. All you have to do is plunge in. And I’ll tell you another secret. That’s the key not only to the kitchen, but to life itself.”
If you’ve been wondering whether or not one of our relationship workshops is suitable for you, view one of our FREE Introduction videos. It’s a gentle way to dip your toe in without a full commitment. Go on, just plunge in!