In a “RE” State of Mind

by Christine Petrik, LCSW

Ah, Spring! It feels like it’s finally arrived here on the Northeast Coast of the U.S. David and I love all four seasons, but never at the expense of an abbreviated one. We’re fortunate to live in a region where we experience them all. Our gratitude is most potent right before the next new season arrives. Toward the end of one season, a longing begins for the next. It’s like being on a pleasant vacation. Although you may have had a lovely trip, you know it’s time to leave when you’re ready and want to return home. As I write this, my wonderful husband is preparing our vegetable garden for planting. He takes the tasks of weeding, fertilizing, and tilling very seriously. It’s one of the many things I appreciate about him.

So, what does this have to do with a romantic partnership, you might be thinking. After all, it’s why you’ve chosen to read this newsletter – thank you for that. Well, what if your relationship would dramatically benefit by being in even more harmony with Nature’s ebbs and flows of seasonal opportunity? What if you didn’t have to work so hard to create the relationship of your dreams but instead focused on working smart? And what would that look like? It would probably mean less pushing your agenda and more listening to what is trying to emerge.

For us, Spring is an opportunity to reap the benefits of RE. There are plenty of Re’s to pick from. Recognize, Release, Rewire, Recommit, Revive, Repair, Renew, Rebirth, Reinvest, and of course, Redo. Feel free to add your own! So, what can THIS Spring offer you and your relationship? Below is a slightly deeper dive into three biggies to get you started.

Recognize what is happening. You’ve been triggered. Even if you feel it was your partner who was activated first, you’re reacting to their reaction. One of the best ways to recognize that is to notice how your body signals to you. Observe the physical signs of mental distress. Are you experiencing bodily agitation, heart racing, shaking, and muscle tightening? Your body is uniquely equipped to alert you of perceived dangers. You’ve been activated into vigilance. Consciously acknowledge to yourself that you’re ready for war or ready to flee.

Release what doesn’t work. Dare to set down your armor and let go of needing to be right. Loosen those defenses you thought would keep you safe but only block you from real love. Winter comes and goes, allowing things to die off. You can leave behind the things that no longer serve your relationship too. You have a big enough task catching those pesty weeds when they poke up.

Recommit to your dream, vision, and vows. Decide what you want to grow more of in your relationship and how to make it healthier this season. Your attention and commitment are required.

Redo by taking thoughtful action. Make a plan, write it down, and decide how you’ll get there. Rarely do we do things perfectly, but each time you try again, you’re bringing more wisdom and experience. What do you need to do, and what don’t you need to do? Neither neglect the necessary care nor obsessively over prune. Lots of fresh air and sunlight do wonders on their own.

Happy Spring!