A Resolution-less List for the New Year
by Christine Petrik, LCSW
I admit I love lists. I have my Shopping lists, weekly To-Do lists, the more extensive Project lists, and of course, my annual New Year's Resolution List – which is more of a Yearly Goals list.
Many of those lists are extremely helpful in keeping my life organized and running smoothly. For example, my grocery list - let's face it, even when I take the list to the store, chances are I still might forget something. Although not a perfect system, it's saved many trips back to the market. No, I have no intention of giving up that list.
Admittedly, other lists of mine might make me feel as if I'm organized but do very little to keep life progressing. I've learned there's a vast difference between creating a list and getting those things done.
To be clear, I'm all in favor of good Goal Setting practices. When people set their aspirations down on paper, take the time to create a realistic structured plan for achieving them, and then actually put that plan into action – triumph usually follows. Thousands of Goal Setting workshops and resources are available – many very effective. But, whether it is a resolution to stop biting your nails or the intention to be promoted to a specific job by the end of the year, it's easy to fall into the trap of viewing our success as a person by whether or not we've reached our target by a given set of time.
Creating a New Year's Resolution List and falling short of meeting those goals may inadvertently cause a negative rebound. The danger of measuring our accomplishments in life by yearly increments or other set markers of time can make us feel worse about ourselves and what we can achieve. Without awareness, these manufactured time constraints become interpreted as "the standard" for what and when we are supposed to have progressed to a particular place or status. Determining our value by whether or not we've reached a set of objectives by another's timetable is a grave mistake that corrodes our life force.
One more thing…………. I think it's essential to be aware of the potential for escapism. All this emphasis on what we resolve to do or not do by the end of next year may fuel our desire to escape the present. There are numerous pitfalls in doing that. For now, I'll mention one: we forget to enjoy what we do have now.
So instead of creating a similar style of "goals to achieve" for the coming year and then feeling badly next December 31st when I've barely stabbed at goal number 5) practice my French Lessons weekly, I think I'll sit this year's list-making task aside and resolve to be a bit more resolutionless. Dare I say, I resolve to practice being more present with where I am right now.
Until next time, Bonne Annee!